


Flying Blind

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Star Wars AUs [8]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pre-Canon, Blind Character, Blind Poe Dameron, Drunk Poe Dameron, Drunken Confessions, Drunkenness, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Force Bond (Star Wars), Gay Poe Dameron, In Vino Veritas, M/M, POV Poe Dameron, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-03-15 16:45:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13617477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: After being injured in a piloting accident, Poe has to adjust to the realities of his temporary blindness, as well as Ben’s assistance, and his growing feelings for the young Jedi.





	1. Crashlanding

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MidgardianNerd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidgardianNerd/gifts).



> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: This is based on an idea MidgardianNerd had. I hope I can do it justice! And sorry the chapter’s so short; I hope it’s still good at any rate.

From the time he was young, Poe Dameron had loved to fly. His mother had been a big part of it, he would definitely say. His mother, who had taught Poe how to fly from an early age. Even long after she had unfortunately passed away, his love for flying had all but lived on.

There was always something about the open skies, the open atmosphere, that was enough to always excite Poe. He took it all in, took in the matter of the scent of things. That was one of those things that was so wonderful about his classes on Yavin IV — just how beautiful everything really was. Simply gorgeous, actually. It was like a paradise of its own.

And class started out as it usually did. Things like coming in, saying hi to Kare and the others, then getting in his X-wing in order to train some more.

At least before disaster happened. He was still in the air when it happened, only for things to go wrong.

Poe didn’t know what exactly happened, if he had miscalculated or anything like that, but his X-wing was all but plummeting towards the ground. BB-8 was practically shrilling a warning, but Poe couldn’t pull up...

A bright flash. The last thing Poe heard before everything went black was Kare shouting his name.


	2. When The Stars Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Poe get some bad news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It was the moment that Ben was in a lecture with one of the Jedi Masters that he sensed that there was something terribly, horribly wrong.

— _a flash of light, a scream of Poe’s name —_

He got up. He had to get to Poe. He had to run.

It was in that moment even as he made his way towards the door that Jamie ran after him. “Ben!” she said. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Poe’s in trouble,” Ben said. “We have to go to him.”

After arguing with the Jedi Master for what seemed like minutes, Ben and Jamie made their way over towards the hangar bay, where Ben managed to ask one of Poe’s squadmates, Snap, if Poe was all right.

“He’s in medbay,” Snap said. “Though...he’s pulling through, but we ran into a problem.”

“What do you mean?” Ben said.

“He went blind in the crash.”

And Ben, in that moment, could have sworn that it felt like he had been hit by an oncoming speeder.

***

Nothing. There was nothing. He was still breathing, he was alive, but he couldn’t see anything, there was nothing. There were voices, squad members asking if he was okay, his father asking if he was okay, and then...

“Poe. It’s me. You’re all right.”

It was Ben’s voice, Poe knew that much, and there was something about his voice that calmed Poe. Ben took Poe’s hands in that moment and put them on his face. Even through his fear, Poe couldn’t help but feel his heart flutter just at being this close to Ben. He couldn’t say that he had ever touched Ben like this before. Not really.

“Ben.” he finally managed to say. Then, “Stars, Ben...I can’t see...I don’t even know what happened...”

“He was blinded in the crash.”

And even hearing it again didn’t eliminate the shock, the pain that Poe felt even hearing it the first time. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair. So he might have done something stupid, but he didn’t deserve this...

Ben spoke. “There aren’t any...ocular implants that you could give him?”

“Not for this sort,” said the medic. “I’m sorry, Mr. Dameron, Mr. Solo. But this sort of blindness is something I doubt that even ocular implants can help with. I don’t know how long it’ll last either. It may take a long time to heal — if at all.”

Even that was enough to make Poe feel like he had been punched in the stomach. Ben...Poe got the feeling that Ben was already restraining himself. And meanwhile, Poe couldn’t help but feel angry. Frustrated. If even the ocular implants couldn’t help anything, would he have to effectively say goodbye to his career as a pilot?

Even life without flying...he couldn’t even fathom it.

“Don’t worry, Poe,” Ben said. “We’ll fix this. Somehow.”

But without the ocular implants, without anything, really, what could Poe do?


	3. Musings of a Drunk Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe tries to drown his sorrows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The thing about coming into a bar blind was the fact that it really wasn’t all sights, but it was all noise. Too much noise, actually. So much noise — drunken men telling bad jokes that occasionally got filthy. All with the stale smell of alcohol and death sticks surrounding Poe. Walking blind was definitely not something that Poe was used to — mostly he felt like he was stumbling through the bar. Still, he managed to at least get to the bartender, who was some sort of amorphous blob in his field of vision.

“Can I help you?” she said. _She_. The voice was definitely female.

“Juma juice,” Poe said. “And keep it coming.”

“That kind of night?” the bartender said.

“Yes.”

She poured him a mug. “So,” she said. “What brings you here?”

“I might not be a pilot anymore.” _Because of one stupid mistake. Because I was stupid. Stupid stupid stupid..._

“Well, hang in there. You might get a second chance before you know it.”

“Maybe.” Poe sighed.

He downed the juma juice. It was going to be a long night. Poe supposed he better settle in for the long haul.

***  
Finding Poe in that bar was hard. It had been minutes prior when Ben found that Poe wasn’t at home. Now he was all but pushing past drunks and deathstick doers, pushing past the stale smell of alcohol just to get to Poe. Just to help him.

And after a while, after a too long while, Ben found Poe.

He looked just plain broken.

That was one of the worst parts, Ben thought. Just seeing Poe like this, just seeing him a borderline wreck, a far cry from the usually optimistic, cheerful young pilot that he knew. The way that Poe looked, hair hanging limply around his face, his eyes staring blankly out into space, multiple mugs next to him...

“Poe,” he said, softly. “Are you okay?”

“I’m doing great,” Poe said, sarcastically. Silence. “ ‘M sorry. Shouldn’t be lashin’ out at you. Not your fault.”

“Don’t apologize. I’m sorry this happened to you.” Ben held out a hand. “Come on; let’s get you home, Poe.”

They headed back, Ben holding Poe steady even as he swayed. Poe was grinning now, almost glazed, but his thoughts...

Ben could swear that there was some worship in there. _HecamebackformehecamebackandIsnappedathimIdon’tdeservehim_...

“You’re the best, Ben, y’know that?” Poe slurred.

Ben sighed. “I try to be.” Sometimes he wasn’t good enough, but he could at least try.

Then again, do or do not, there was no try, wasn’t that right?

“You’re just a good person. Ya beat yourself up so much, but you’re so...kind. And funny. And ya never get bored with me. I mean, others would now that they’re Jedi and everythin’...”

“I’d never get bored with you,” Ben said.

“An’ ya always show me how the Force works. Like... _zoom_.” Poe made a movement that was obviously supposed to represent how Ben had once showed him how to use the Force, when he’d made a snow replica of the Falcon fly.

“Yeah,” Ben said. “Zoom.”

“I mean, you’ve got all sorts of Force abilities, like...like _zoom_. But me? Kriff, Ben...how am I supposed to fly if I can’t see?”

“Well — ’’

“You’re just so talented. And cool. I’m just a stupid hotshot pilot. Who probably won’t even be a damn pilot anymore...”

Ben swallowed. He didn’t know how he could make Poe feel better. Then he said, “You’re not just some hotshot pilot. You’re a good friend. You’re kind. You’re funny. You’re a good person. And I’m not going to think less of you because you can’t fly.”

“Yeah, but you’re...beautiful.”

Ben sighed. “You’re reaching.”

“Nonono, you are. You really are. You’re so beautiful and talented and funny and nice and you can do anything and piloting’s all I’m good at.”

“Poe — ’’

“Nononono, I’m ‘ _splainin_ ’, see? You’re so perfect. And I love you.”

This time, Ben paused. “You love me?”

“Yeah. You’re like this space angel that just dropped into my life. I love...I just kriffing love you. Like, I’m not just...drunk.”

“I suppose.” Ben supposed that he hadn’t expected Poe to say he loved him. To reciprocate these feelings.

“You’re a good person. I love you.”

“You told me. Come on,” Ben said softly. “I’ll get you home.”

They continued home, Poe rambling about everything under the sun, from bickering Senators to how Ben was probably an angel from Iego.

“I mean...” Poe hiccuped. “You’ve got this face. You’ve got this beautiful face, and don’ you say that you’re awkward or ugly ‘cause that’s bantha poodoo, y’know? People who say that...they’re prob’ly jealous, y’know. You’ve got these eyes, and these freckles, and I don’ care about your nose or ears. Really.”

Ben swallowed. Somehow, he couldn’t say that anyone had ever said that about his face before.

“Y’know, kriff ‘em. It’s like everything in this kriffed up galaxy is ugly ‘cept for a few things. My buddy BB-8, my squad, my dad, and you. And kriff, you’re beautiful.”

“Poe...”

“I just love you so, so much. And you’ll never be mine.”

“Who says I wouldn’t be?”

“The damn Jedi. And kriff, how do I know I’m not jus’ bein’ an entitled bastard? I mean...” Poe swayed, lost his balance, and Ben caught him.

They were so close. Almost close enough to kiss, close enough for Ben to smell juma on Poe’s breath.

No. He wouldn’t take advantage of Poe like that. He couldn’t. Poe was more than just a bit drunk, and he would never forgive Ben if Ben did anything to hurt him.

“Y’know what would be perfect?” Poe grinned as he spoke. “If you took me home and just...y’know. Made sweet, sweet love to me.”

Ben stared at him. “Poe...you’re drunk.”

“So I don’ know what I want?”

“You can’t really consent when you can barely stand.”

“So I’m just — ’’

“I’m taking care of you, Poe. It’s all okay.”

“You’re such a gentleman, I swear.”

“I...” Ben swallowed. How did he put this? “I care about you.”

They reached the door of Poe’s house. They stepped through the door, into the place that Poe had to himself since he moved out of his old house, past a repaired BB-8, who beeped inquisitively even as Ben tried to reassure him that Poe was fine, that he needed some sleep. Eventually, Poe fell right into bed, breathing softly, not another word out of his mouth. Ben couldn’t help but be relieved. It wasn’t like Poe was unworthy, but everything about this situation...

Poe looked so peaceful, so beautiful, as he slept, and Ben couldn’t help but feel a flutter in his chest. Beautiful. That was the best way to describe the curls that fell loosely around Poe’s perfect, classically lovely face, the half-smile on his lips. The earlier rambling energy that made up his drunkenness had momentarily evaporated, and Poe was asleep, breathing steadily.

And Ben loved him. By the stars, he truly did.

He sat by Poe’s side in that moment, watching him before letting sleep take him himself.


	4. Everything Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Poe deal with the consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

“You went out to look for Poe by yourself?” Luke said.

They were sitting outside in the courtyard of the Enclave. Across from them, Padawans practiced with their Masters or other Padawans, and one of the Masters chastised another Padawan for playing too rough with his friend.

Ben, meanwhile, wished he wasn’t having this conversation.

Ben sighed. “I’m eighteen years old, Uncle, not eight. And he was upset. I had to go and get him.”

“Don’t you take that tone with me,” Luke said. “You were with someone who could have hurt you — ’’

“Poe would never do anything to hurt me.” A beat. “And considering the state he was in, it’s a miracle nobody hurt him.”

Luke sighed. “You know people like that,” he said. “Once they get more than a few drinks in their system, who knows what will happen?”

“Poe’s a good man.” _The sweetest man._

“I don’t deny that, but who knows what he’ll do?” Luke said.

“He...cares about me. He never would do anything like that.”

“What?”

Even remembering what Poe said last night was enough to make Ben feel like he was all but wilting before his uncle. Like he was smaller than he was. Like, somehow, he was being interrogated. And Ben wished that he hadn’t said anything at all.

“He cares for you?” Luke said.

“It’s not relevant.” Ben drew his arms closer to himself.

Luke sighed. “I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable, Ben. It’s only that...I don’t know if you should have a relationship.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Ben said. “He was probably just drunk.”

Silence.

“If you say so,” Luke said.

It was later that Ben headed over to Poe’s house and knocked on the door.

“Poe,” he said. “Are you there?”

“Comin’.” Poe sounded terrible. Like now that he had crashed and the hangover was settling in, he was broken all over again. Ben’s heart ached.

Poe stumbled to the door, his clothes rumpled, hair a mess, still incredibly beautiful.

“How are you feeling?” Ben said.

Poe sighed. “If you like feeling terrible, I’d say that I’m doing great.”

“I was wondering...” Ben bit his lip. “You want to go with me to the restaurant on Yavin Four?”

“No offense, Ben, but I don’t know how food’s gonna help.”

“You’re hungover. Besides, you need to eat.”

It was in the restaurant proper that they ordered two hamburgers. Around them, there were people chattering away, and Poe groaned. “There’s too much noise.”

“Yeah.” Ben couldn’t debate that.

Ben handed one of the greasy hamburgers to Poe, who took it gingerly. Then, “You know that that’s — ’’

“I know,” Ben said. “You need comfort food.”

Poe took a bite. Then, “This is actually pretty good.”

“It is, huh?”

“Yeah.” Poe sighed. “So what did I do last night?”

“You...rambled a lot. That’s most of what you did.” Beat. “And you actually...wanted to have sex with me.”

“Oh stars.” Poe sighed. “I shouldn’t have been like that. I don’t know what I was thinking. I probably scared you, right?”

“I was more scared for you,” Ben said. “You were drunk.”

Poe swallowed. Then, “You know, Ben, sometimes I don’t deserve you.”

“Too bad. You’re stuck with me. And it’s not just being stuck with me. The truth is...I love you too.” Ben smoothed a lock of hair out of Poe’s eyes. “And I’m yours, if you want me.”

“You’re...mine?” Poe said, and he sounded amazed.

“Yes, yours.”

They were close now. Close enough to kiss, and this time, Ben closed the gap between them.

Poe tasted of ketchup and mustard as Ben kissed him. It wasn’t how Ben would picture his first kiss, tasting of ketchup and mustard, after helping a hungover Poe, but in its own way, it was perfect. Their kissing styles were similar; they both had never done this before. And yet Poe’s became all but harder, more feeling, his lips searching Ben’s like he never wanted to stop. And Ben felt fingers running through his hair, and his fingers tangled in Poe’s and —

When they broke the kiss, Ben’s lips were swollen and he was gasping for breath, but it was so worth it. He wished Poe could see or feel just how damnably happy he was, how much he loved Poe back.

“I’ve never been kissed before,” Ben said.

“Glad I changed that.”

They kissed again, gentler this time, and when they broke away, Ben wasn’t gasping this time. And he couldn’t help but worry — what would Uncle Luke think?

“You okay?” Poe said.

“My uncle...” Ben trailed off. “I mean, I love you, but I don’t know what he’ll...”

He trailed off again. All his life in the Jedi Order — three years of it — he had tried so hard to be Good. And it seemed like even Good wasn’t Good Enough, wasn’t Pure. Wasn’t A True Jedi. And now this...

“It’s okay,” Poe said. “I mean — ’’

“No. I love you.” And in that moment, Ben almost didn’t care that he was changing everything.


	5. Connected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben makes a breakthrough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It was from this point on that Ben and Poe found wherever they could to meet. They had to keep it hidden from Uncle Luke, of course. Ben didn’t know how he would react, actually. He didn’t know if Uncle Luke would actually approve of such things, or if he would hate the idea of Ben and Poe being together. Ben had a feeling that he wouldn’t understand, at least. They met in secret then, he and Poe, and they made sanctuaries out of where they met.

They met, and Poe tried to relearn the features of Ben’s face — not only through his hands, but from the perspective of a lover and not just a friend.

“Your features are strong,” he said, at one point. He had been tracing over Ben’s face, over his nose (which Ben couldn’t help but feel self-conscious about usually and yet Poe did it with such reverence), over his lips (which gave Ben a pleasant shiver) and his chin. “Really strong. They’re beautiful.”

“Not really.” Ben didn’t consider himself ugly exactly, but he was definitely awkward. He doubted he would ever be anything other than awkward.

“Yes,” Poe said, softly, insistently. “They are.” And even if Ben couldn’t say he really thought of himself as anything but awkward, there was such passion and belief in Poe’s voice that for a moment, he believed it.

They met in those forests, wherever they could, and tried to keep it secret. Secret. Ben hated it; this was something that they ought to shout to the stars. And yet he knew that they had to keep it secret, if only because he didn’t know how his uncle, or his mother for that matter, would react.

They met, and those forests were their sanctuary from the outside world.

It didn’t mean that Poe wasn’t still trying to recover from his blindness. Ben had looked everywhere, looked in almost every text there was, but he hadn’t found anything involving Poe’s situation.

Except for one.

It was a matter of looking in one book, The History of the Jedi Order, that he found a section on Force bonds. Even reading over it, including the part where the people connected could see through each other’s eyes...

Ben couldn’t help but feel what he hadn’t felt in quite some time regarding his lover’s blindness — hope. Perhaps there was a way to get Poe in the air again. Perhaps there was a way to help him. Assuming that Poe was up for it. Assuming that it even worked. Assuming...assuming...

It was coming to Poe’s house, slipping away from the others surreptitiously, that Ben read aloud from the book.

“ ‘The Force Bond included instances where one could see through the other’s eyes.’” Ben looked over at Poe. “If we initiated a Force Bond...at least if you’re all right with it...I could be your co-pilot.”

“Ben,” Poe said, softly. “You don’t have to do this for me. I don’t want to get in the way of — ’’

“You won’t,” Ben said. “I love you. And you’d never get in the way of anything.”

“You really mean that.”

“Of course I do.”

Silence.

“You’ll have to talk with your mother and uncle about it,” Poe said. “I mean, you’re so close to being Knighted...”

“I know.” Ben tenderly traced along the lines of Poe’s face. “To help you, I’d do anything.”

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

Poe nodded. “I trust you.”

Opening up the bond wasn’t an easy thing, but eventually, Ben managed to open it. And it was in that moment that he felt Poe’s thoughts all but wash over him. He always thought of Poe’s mind as a beautiful place, as something resplendent and radiant, something brilliant, but here, it was like it hit him full force. Poe’s exhilaration, his shock, his delight...and Ben knew that he had done the right thing.

“Can you feel me?” he said.

Poe nodded. “I can feel you,” he said. “This is incredible! I didn’t think I could see so...so much.”

“So this could work.”

“It could,” Poe said. “I mean...you’d have to sign up at the Academy proper, but they’re always looking for new recruits. And I think they’d be willing to let you help me.”

Ben beamed in that moment, and drew Poe in close. And for the first time since that horrible accident, the both of them had hope. 


	6. Warm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke confronts Ben. It doesn’t end well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

“You’re _leaving_.”

To say that Uncle Luke was furious would be quite the understatement, actually. Ben didn’t think that he had actually seen his uncle that angry, if he was to be perfectly honest.

“I’m doing it for Poe,” he said. “I’ve got to.”

“You’re throwing away your future for him.” And the way that Luke said it, Ben had a feeling that he knew about the meetings, the sneaking off to try and meet without anyone seeing him.

“How long have you known?”

“I’m not an idiot, Ben. The way the both of you snuck off...it couldn’t be any more obvious.”

“I love him.” And the way Ben said it, it sounded more broken than he thought it would be. It shouldn’t have sounded that broken. And yet here it was.

“I know you do. But you’re not throwing away your future for him.”

“What if it was temporary, Uncle? Until Poe heals. And then I’ll come back.”

Luke was silent for a while. Finally, he said, “If it works for you.” All with the sort of tone that suggested that he wasn’t happy with the idea.

It was later in bed (they hadn’t made love yet, but they were considering it. For now, keeping one another company in bed was enough) that they talked, he and Poe. There was something about Poe’s presence that was soothing even after the discussion that he’d had with Uncle Luke.

He lay next to Poe, and Poe said, “How did the discussion with your uncle go?”

“Not well.” He didn’t mention the part where his uncle thought he was throwing away his future for Poe. It would only upset Poe. And he couldn’t say he blamed him.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” Ben sighed. “I just don’t think he gets it.” To be able to love someone this much. He wondered, idly, if Uncle Luke had ever loved anyone. He couldn’t have, actually. He simply couldn’t have.

“What do you mean?”

“I think that he’s never loved anyone. So he doesn’t...understand why I’m doing this. And I’m doing this for you. Because you’re the galaxy to me.”

“You too.” Poe snuggled up in the crook of Ben’s body. “You’re so warm,” he murmured. “And so big. It’s like I’m safe when I’m with you.”

“Is it?” Ben said.

“Yes. It’s like...you’re safe. I’m safe. You’re warm.”

Ben chuckled, but it was an affectionate chuckle.

“It’s true. You’re like a safe haven. Or...kriff, I’m not good at similes, am I?”

Ben kissed his hair. “You’re so precious.”

“Good or bad?”

“Good. Really.”

“Good.” Poe sighed. “You really are warm, though. Nice and cozy.”

“I try to be.” Ben just hoped that he could continue to protect Poe when they left tomorrow. He would do what he could, no matter what it took.


	7. Understanding, Or Lack Thereof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

“How old are you, exactly?”

Ben sat in the interviewer's office, and he knew that he was already nervous, but he couldn’t be. If only for Poe’s sake.

“Eighteen.”

“What kind of experience do you have piloting?”

“I used to practice with my father,” Ben said. Even those days seemed like a distant memory now, even though they were more prominent in his life than the Jedi training. “When I was a boy.”

“Have you taken lessons?”

“Briefly. I went to the same flight Academy Poe did.”

“Interesting. So you have at least a degree of piloting experience?”

“A degree, yes,” Ben said.

“That’s good to hear.” A pause. “You’re his copilot, am I correct?”

“Yes,” Ben said.

“So your Force Bond with him would — ’’

“ — allow him to see through my eyes,” Ben said. “Basically.”

A pause. “Wonderful.”

It was later that Ben got a commcall from his mother. It wasn’t something he either expected or necessarily looked forward to, just because he had a feeling that she wouldn’t exactly like his decision. She was the one who had sent him away to Uncle Luke, after all. She was the one who had basically dumped him off, abandoned —

No. Even thinking that way was unfair, wasn’t it?

“Mom,” he said, facing the commscreen in his and Poe’s room. Poe was with him, facing the commscreen with him.

“Ben,” she said, “I heard you’re planning on leaving the Order.”

“It’s not forever,” Ben said. “I just want to help Poe.”

“Do you?” Leia said. “And abandon everything that your father and I set up for you?”

“It’s not abandoning,” Ben said. “Poe needs me.”

Poe spoke up. “Ben’s been trying to help me,” he said. “He really has.”

“How?”

“The Force,” Ben said, almost impulsively.

Leia looked flabbergasted in that moment. Then she said, “You initiated a Force Bond with Poe?”

“Mom — ’’

“You initiated a Force Bond with Poe?”

The way his mother was glaring at him, Ben already felt the weight of it through the holoscreen. Then he said, “I...”

He found himself trailing off. Poe spoke up. “He was trying to help me.”

“I thought your uncle taught you better than that,” Leia said coldly. “Rummaging around in others’ minds. _Violating_ them.”

“What?” Ben said. “That’s a lie. I’d never do that to Poe.”

“And yet you did.”

“Why do you assume I used the Dark Side?” Ben said. “I would never do that to Poe. Ever.” He swallowed. “I love him.”

Leia was unmoved. “And that’s your way of showing love?”

“What do you know about love?”

Poe spoke up. “Do you always assume the worst about him? He’d never do what you think he did. He’s a good person and I love him.”

“I — ’’

“I thought I could look up to you. I really did. But the way you’re treating us both right now is unacceptable.” Poe sighed as he spoke. “Goodbye, ma’am.”

He hit the button that ended the call right there. Ben had to admit that he was shaking. Just the very idea of him doing something to hurt Poe, to essentially violate his mind, was unthinkable.

“Ben.” Poe said softly. “It’s okay. Everything’s okay.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Ben. You never could. I wanted this. And you’ve done so much for me. You’ve given me a gift — not just having my sight back, but giving me you.”

“Me?” Ben said, bewildered.

“Yes, you,” Poe said. “I love you.” A beat. “You’re perfect to me.”

“I love you too.”

“No. I mean, stang, you don’t know, do you? I love you. And having you in my head...it’s perfect.”

“Anything.” Truth be told, Ben wasn’t ready to let Poe go either. He had a feeling that the moment the bond broke, he’d feel the emptiness, the singularity, and it would surely drive him mad. All these feelings, all these thoughts were blurring together, and Ben couldn’t say he could love Poe enough, and —

Poe nuzzled him. “You do know?”

“I do.” Ben nuzzled him back. It was a light, caring gesture, and Ben took comfort in how close they were in this moment. How near. Poe was small and soft and warm, and Ben wanted to do so much. Hold him. Kiss him. Spin poetry through his words, because poetry was the best language for feelings that ached so much.

And no one else could understand how much he loved Poe. Even Poe himself...did he know the full extent? Did he?

“Forever.” Poe said. Their voices were whispers in embraces and touches.

They snuggled up against each other, and Ben...Ben already felt at peace. And for a moment, what his mother thought didn’t matter, for they were together, and Ben felt that completeness, warmer and sweeter than even anything the Light Side could offer.

It was later that Poe murmured, “We better get going. The ship leaves at eight o hundred.”

“Yeah.” They disentangled reluctantly. Ben sighed. “Stars, I want to just lie there and hold you.”

Poe chuckled, fondly. “I want to let you. Maybe on the ship?”

“Good idea.”

And it was on the ship proper that they lay there, even as the ship traveled through hyperspace, Ben’s hand stroking Poe’s hair as the latter lay his head in Ben’s lap, and Ben knew that here, they were no longer alone. 


	8. Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe gets back in the game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Thank you to the Whump Discord for inspiring me to get back to this!

There was no sunlight in space, but Poe’s voice was enough to jar Ben out of his nightmare, about the strange, scarred man. “Ben! Where are you?”

“I’m here.”

And Ben snapped awake in that moment, and looked around at Poe, who had just jolted awake from his own nightmare, apparently.

“Poe — ’’

“Yeah. I know.” Poe fumbled around for a while before finding Ben’s face, finding his body. He took Ben’s hand. “I saw him too. He was terrifying, wasn’t he?”

Ben nodded.

“It’s all right. Wherever he is, whoever he is, he won’t get us. Promise. Promise promise, actually.”

“Yeah.” Ben smiled faintly. “Promise promise.”

Breakfast was served in the main hold. It tasted rather bland, but it seemed that it would have to do for the moment. Ben wondered if all space rations tasted that bland, absently.

“From what I can gather, yes,” Poe said.

Ben smiled. “I really can’t hide anything from you, can I?”

“Not anymore.” Poe said, but it was light. Then he said, softer, “Ben...this is too much to ask, but can I ask you something?”

It was when they were in private that Poe said, “I wish I could see you, you know. When you smile. I bet you’d look beautiful.”

Ben snorted. “You’re too kind.”

“I bet you would be. I’d just have to put the pieces together. All of it — it’s like putting the pieces together to remember what you look like. For example, your face...”

Poe reached up to touch Ben’s face, trace his features, and Ben relaxed into the touch, a lot like a cat allowing someone to pet him. With how comforting Poe’s touch felt, Ben supposed he wouldn’t be surprised if he started purring.

“And you’ve got this hair,” Poe said. He stroked Ben’s hair. “No idea how it’s so soft, I admit.”

“I told you,” Ben said wryly. “The Force.”

Poe laughed. “Must be. But I can...well, I can get an idea of what you look like, but I can’t really see you when you’re happy.”

Across the bond, Ben projected an old holo of himself to Poe. Not one of the older ones from when he was a younger teenager, but a holo from his current age, eighteen. He couldn’t say that he knew how Poe would react. After all, he was awkward, gangly, teeth sticking out and ears sticking out, and his Padawan braid did nothing to enhance his features. It was, at most, unflattering. His father had said “When I was your age, kiddo, I was awkward too”, but Ben couldn’t picture it. His parents seemed naturally glamorous. Ben looked nothing like them. Probably acted nothing like them either. Or what they wanted.

Poe backed away, and Ben sighed. “Yeah, I know. Ugly, isn’t he?” He said it lightly, but already, it hurt saying all this.

“No. Damn you, Ben, don’t say things like that. You’re beautiful.” Poe swallowed. “You’re...like an angel.”

Angel. If angels had sticky-out ears, Ben supposed he could call himself an angel. “You might be disappointed.”

“No, Ben. You are. And calling yourself ugly isn’t just cruel; it’s a lie.”

“You really think so?”

“I know so.”

There was a voice over the loudspeakers. “We have reached the Academy.”

“We better get ready,” Poe said. He took Ben’s hand, and there was something about Poe’s hand in his that was more than reassuring — it just felt right. Ben turned to look at him and because Poe couldn’t see his smile, he projected an image of it over the bond.

“You really are beautiful.” Poe said, and Ben didn’t know if he believed it, but he could be comforted by it.

They headed out of the ship, holding hands, and there were murmurs all around, but Ben didn’t care. Just being together was enough to give him an overpowering sense of peace.

The flight instructor spoke with them. “And as you well know, in addition to readditions to our roster,” cue the cheers, “We also have additional newcomers on our roster. Ben Solo, Alanna Avery...”

It was long after that talk that they had their first lesson. Ben flew close to Poe in that moment, and there was something about feeling Poe’s exhilaration that was wonderful. Knowing that he had a part in this.

They landed, and the instructor practically beamed at them. “Well done,” she said. “Both of you.”

They had dinner before heading to bed, and dressed for bed — then they snuggled together. Poe nestled against Ben. “You did great today.”

“So did you,” Ben said.

“I didn’t think I’d be able to do it again, Ben, so...thank you.”

“No problem.” Then, “Poe, could you...stay with me? I don’t know if I could sleep alone.”

“I’ve got you.”

Ben drifted off to sleep, Poe’s fingers threading through his hair, and the soothing motion of the touch was enough to center him, just for the moment.


	9. Whispers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe meets Snoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It was during the night that Poe felt the presence. It wasn’t the same as what Ben was inevitably feeling, but he had a feeling that it was already casting a shadow over his bond with Ben. And it felt sweltering, like the Jakku heat, or Tatooinian.

He rubbed his temples. His head hurt. “Someone there?”

 _I’m here,_ a voice rumbled. A voice that sounded almost amiable. That voice could be the voice of somebody’s father.

Poe, however, couldn’t say he liked it. “Who are you?”

The voice did not answer. Instead it said, _You are not young Solo._

“No stang I’m not,” Poe said.

_You are Poe Dameron._

Chills went up Poe’s spine, but he tried not to flinch. Stars willing, he tried not to.

The voice continued. _You formed a bond with him, didn’t you?_

Poe didn’t answer. Instead, he said, “How long have you been creeping around his head?”

 _Longer than you know. And I was far from “creeping”, young pilot._ A pause. _I parented him where his own parents were too self-absorbed to do so. They were busy arguing; they cared as little for their own son as they would bantha droppings._

“That is not true — ’’

_Why don’t you ask Ben? I’m certain he’d love to tell you everything._

“You’re not using Ben. In any way.”

_Such resolve. But I believe you are on the losing side, Poe Dameron._

“Never.”

_We shall see._

The presence was gone, and Ben woke, rubbing his eyes. “Poe,” he said, “The presence...you felt it?”

Poe didn’t respond. Instead, he hugged Ben close to him, breathing in his scent, taking comfort in his presence and his warmth.

“Ben,” he said. “Oh, Ben. Oh, sweetheart...”

He held Ben for a long time before saying, “Come on. Let’s get something to eat.”

Breakfast was bland, as usual, and it was later that they got their first mission. A scouting mission. Poe only wondered if they would run into the same man who was terrorizing Ben’s nightmares there. If that thing even so much as laid a finger on Ben...

“Calm yourself,” Ben said, gently, when they were in private. “It’s all right.”

It wasn’t often that Ben was telling him to be calm, but there it was. “How long have you had him rustling about your head?”

“My earliest memories involve him.”

And Poe could swear heat rose behind his eyes. Anger, and a fierce sort of adoration for this man. He kissed Ben, his forehead, his cheeks, peppering them gently with kisses and it still wasn’t enough.

“Ben,” he murmured. “Oh, Ben. Baby. When did he stop?”

“I don’t know if he’s stopped.”

“We’ll find a way to fix this, baby. I promise.”

They headed back to the mess hall, where the scouting mission was being organized. A mission to Dxun, apparently. Poe could only hope that they would get out in one piece.


End file.
